You might have moments where you dont even remember the times you have forgotten things. They are separate diagnostic manuals and which diagnosis you get depends mostly on which manual your therapist is using. So, your article is a godsend testament to my experiences. For us, our system has gone through a lot of changes in the 11 years we've known about it. Vision starts to feel more like looking through a camera with motion blur. yes, if you have amnesia between switches, even if it's not 100% amnesia or 100% all of the time it is still DID not osdd-1b though it may depend on who diagnosis you as there is a grey area. Ive also seen others who believe that DID/OSDD are just having alters and not liking themwhich is also not an accurate portrayal! this is the first time I have had someone accurately articulate my experience. She asked me to sketch the parts I am aware of, so I did. You might sometimes experience pain or sensations that dont have a medical cause, such asswitching headaches.. OSDD usually forms in the child's early teens, or even earlier. Our continuous memory gives us a more continual sense of self. While knowing is as where I am now, I simply couldn't help but keeping giving into thinking and feeling I was back there. Association is the first and only grassroots, volunteer and peer-led nonprofit empowering Plurals. Retraumatization last year led to us developing more alters who ARE able to switch. Instead of an alter switching to front, they can exert passive influence on the alter currently at front. Will we be left behind? Ive gone through quite some trouble because it wasnt recognized during therapy, because it has been painful and scary to go through intensely separated moods with a change of behavior, sometimes hating/repressing the other mood while I was in a certain mood (manly+fearless, feminine+empathetic, fearful+child-like, feeling like someone else), and not understanding what my mind was doing, nor any psychologist until I found someone who did kind of understand but they started messing with my head and not recognizing the painful traumas associated with people being intrusive and manipulative. For others, that means fighting to have their own particular label recognised and acknowledged. Put it aside and go to work. When someone asks you to describe who you are as a person, you might feel at a loss for what to say. I've had alters who have sabotaged my life and done awful things. They can have black-outs, but it does not severely impact their lives. There might be alters who have suicidal thoughts, physically harm the body, or engage in risky behavior. The DSM-5 adds some detail to it, saying: This category includes identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia. In other words, OSDD often presents as not yet or not quite DID people who havent yet met the criteria for dissociative identity disorder but may well do so in the future, or people who have slightly atypical forms of DID, for example by not having amnesia. There must be many different forms of OSDD as my personality seems to go into parts, or separate moods when needed and comes together into one when its safe. That is the case with our system and the walls between me as the host and our core - I remember many of her memories crystal clearly and it can be hard to tell if they are mine or if they are hers. You are part of a strong community with a rich history and wonderful people. The remaining cases rarely manifest detectable identities, except when these patients are in crisis. However I still notice that I switch moods, the general moods that I switch between (which everyone does, of course) are anger, fear, happiness, euphoria and sadness, and depending on how unsafe I feel, they become more like stereotypes. These systems do not experience clinically significant amounts of amnesia, more commonly having emotional amnesia. A body with multiple identities is known as a system. You might sometimes experience the loss of a physical function without a medical cause, such as your sight, hearing, speech, or feelings of hunger. DID/OSDD symptoms are always unrelated to other medical conditions or non-disordered experiences, such as substance use or epilepsy. When she explained the differences, in a way I could easily understand, it did make sense. We wanted to help make sysboxes you don't usually see, especially with most system user box blogs run by endos.our main is @friends-call-me-snow-miser (if we reply to comments) and our system blog is @fromthewondersystem mod wonder These intrusions may vary in strength and influence and may result in the fronting alter taking actions or voicing opinions that they can't explain or account for. Being blurry is not always a stressful or upsetting incident, this is more dependent on the individual and situation. Everything in the system happens for a reason, even if we do not know what it is. My system usually falls into that categoryits OSDD 1b I think? This was a wonderful read that we in our system very much appreciated. I couldnt believe what I was saying and how I was behaving.). One of our system's little quirks is that our childhood is just *poof* gone. One of them, called Mind, was a very mean voice in my head for all those years. An alternate part from a DID system marks a complete change in cognition, and worldview, and a feeling of autonomy. This can occur slowly, with obvious signs, or very fast. Welcome to /r/AskDID, the sister subreddit of /r/DID which focuses on those that wish to ask questions about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) etc. so i guess i don't really have the space to care about their reasons for their behavior when i'm constantly feeling its consequences. Emotions were ripped from me and cast into the maelstrom. At what point, when that is happening, could you state that you no longer have amnesia, and should your diagnosis change from DID to OSDD? Switching refers to one alter taking control of the body, being given control by another alter, or gaining prominence over another alter. Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders: Fifth Edition, Treating Trauma-related Dissociation: A Practical, Integrated Approach, Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Relational Approach, The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook, A Fractured Mind: My Life with Multiple Personality Disorder. <3. Each person needs to weigh up the pros and cons on an individual basis and do what is right for them. i haven't heard of other systems where this is the case and was wondering if anyone else had experiences like this. I feel like the symptoms of these disorders are often misunderstood. also: switching and memory dont always get along, and brains like to fill in gaps in memory with fake memories. Indeed Spiegel et al (2011, p.826) in their incisive critique say: Importantly, the ICD-10 describes dissociative disorders as primarily acute disorders that usually remit within a few weeks or months, and that have an onset in the immediate context of events that are highly stressful, traumatic, and/or that involve intolerable, insoluble problems. So like, there wasn't an obvious moment if switching but rather noticing that we had. Many voices, many children, each with their own story, voices to be heard and listened too. Barely alive, existing moment to moment, knowing I was different than others but not why I was different. It does so much for you, and you deserve to have a break! How are major life decisions going to be made? Fragments of self falling off, taking bits of memory with each of them. While this disorder is hard to live with, we often lead fulfilling lives. They still have distinct personality states and distress or issues caused by their symptoms. But I am somewhat aware that other alters are fronting, but not all the time(I stay conscious throughout others fronting is what I am saying). So not all information on this website might apply to your situation or be helpful to you; please, use caution. There might be other alters who feel the same way above but differently from you, and this may also confuse and distress you. Blurry can be an abstract concept for someone who does not have DID/OSDD and may be a little difficult to understand. Who am I? I also feel constantly that I have no right to this. The primary symptom of dissociative disorders, of course, is dissociation. It can be very exciting to be able to get to know a new person thats probably going to end up being an important figure in your life! I go from me, a young nerdy woman to an angsty, edgy young man who likes heavy metal and SHOULD have black hair and be like 6 foot, or I'll go from me to acting silly and small and liking to color and wear frilly clothes and be called a different name. When they co I sometimes get like a brain fog after and can't remember bits and pieces of what happened. The belief that DID treatment is harmful to patients. Then me, some with names and them. At first it was me and them. Normally, a reed switch is constructed of two thin metal strips, or reeds, which are sealed in a glass tube. Littles are child alters, and are actual children. Ive always had my own identity but that one does seem to be separated at times as well, like I cant be all of my interests at the same time, like my mind can only process one thing at a time when its unsafe. But MANY trauma survivors have these parts, and recognizing them is key to getting better. 1 ESS employed a special type of reed switch known as a ferreed. The word sub system can have several meanings when discussing DID/OSDD. Then e switched again once morning was drawing close. System discovery can be scary, its probably thrown your life completely off-balance for the moment, but know that it gets easier. We have 19+ alters, and our collective pronouns are they/them. Also, at one moment, I would be okay with something someone said and then only for me to become intensely furious after an hour. it doesnt change much if your experience is unusual, if you can relate to a single thing from someone elses experiences, then that can help you understand your own experiences even if its a different disorder. We see the presence of these dissociative parts of the personality as really important, and of course it is the stand-out feature of DID, but we also recognise that parts develop in response to trauma and disorganised attachment, as do a whole range of other symptoms. This is a scholarly article from Harvard College that tackles six beliefs about DID, why they are irrefutably myths, and how they are damaging. This was a truly amazing article. Every waking moment, a moment of pain, pain unending, but no idea why? I keep telling my therapist im that and no one cares and just keep my diagnosis of DID, its actually partial DID not osdd-1b, osdd-1b is no switch amnesia. ), Hello, I am Sunflower. I agree DID in its entirety gets more attention as complete fragmentation caused by trauma . the thing is, they can't front, like, ever. Switching refers to one Alter or Part taking control of the body from another Part. Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) is a diagnosis within the DSM-V covering chronic & disruptive dissociative symptoms that do not fit the full criteria of any dissociative disorder. It doesnt feel like me, and when Im like that I can remember things that I dont remember the rest of the time, although Im always worried that Im making it up. Sometimes might you feel like you are watching yourself, as if you are having an out of body experience. We are The Alexandrite System, when we first discovered our plurality, we spent months confused and distressed because we didnt fit into the very rigid DID mold. Im here looking for answers, because its all so confusing. It should be said that OSDD systems who have shared memory with their system tend to have a leg up over systems who have memory gaps. We went from being able to communicate internally very clearly but with strong amnesia walls and difficulty distinguishing switches happening between neutral and non-violent alters (and no switches happening for a while or ever for some alters), to having all but two of us go dormant and it just being a daily head-to-head assault of violence and abuse, to taking anti-psychosis which created communication barriers in the system but obviously didn't "cure us", to years later being confronted by the disorder again and seeing alters come back from dormancy changed or fused, to finally working together coherently, to now 6 of us in a happy system striving to make a life worth having fought for. All of them want to die. There are 4 types of OSDD, but the most common is OSDD-1 which is similar to DID. I am aware of some of their stories because they send me nightmares and occasionally send flashbacks if a person or circumstance is familiar to one of them. Non-switching systems, or partial DID as it's called in the ICD, are systems who have an alter always remain in front, and other alters can "only" exert passive influence and co-fronting. Where are my memories? And that gives rise to the difficulties that many people with OSDD have reported, of feeling that they dont belong anywhere. There might be alters who dislike or lash out at other alters within the system. You might experience other conditions without any medical cause, such as pseudoseizures. It all feels international with so e rexterior differences that most people won't pick up on or won't think a thing about it. In the end, bereft of emotions, self, body and identity, I lived. I grew, matured, had a career and a life. A voice saying yes there is, yes there is. Other Specified Dissociative Disorder is a diagnosis which was introduced in the DSM-5 psychiatric manual, released in 2013. I think psychology is so huge that its hard for every therapist to know and recognize everything, especially because there are so many specializations. We often simply say we are a dissociative system and nothing more, because our alters are fully fledged and individual (to the extent we recognize as such), but experience hardly any amnesia aside from large portions of childhood. Although an individual's therapist or spouse may learn to recognize not only switches but specific alters, most others may rationalize away any switching that they notice as the individual with DID being abnormally tired, grumpy, or in a strange mood. This is a painful position to be in, and yet a variety of studies have regularly found that OSDD is either the most common or among the most common dissociative diagnoses: it is diagnosed, according to ONeil et al (2008), in 40% of cases. They are in no way associated with ddlg/clg/cgl-re. Honestly, you've described my early teens well. Thank you for investing the time to read this article. According to the American Psychological Association, the predominant feature of OSDD is: presentations in which symptoms characteristic of a dissociative disorder that cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning predominate, but do not meet the full criteria for any of the disorders in the dissociative disorder class. But at the end of the day they are just like you. They cant be allowed to take over. Robert Oxnam on relating his experiences with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly MPD), from A Fractured Mind: My Life with Multiple Personality Disorder(pp.4-5), (If you like this post then you might like this other one as well! Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. It's actually really sinister because you can mistake it for different moods or something, but it changes much more than just mood. Required fields are marked *. Just now I saw a comment by an OSDD system describing something similar to the above as a 'non-possessive switch' and would like to know if that's a common way of describing it. they do have an internal monologue but they are not suffering from DID, do they only have one voice/identity? My brain creates vague replicas of people and it feels as though I become them (and it can feel horribly intrusive, it seems to be mingled with something obsessive compulsive), have their face and ways of behaving, but I dont take over the identity or names, so this is possibly a different mechanism. You might have moments where you discover evidence of your memory gaps, such as text messages you dont remember sending or purchases you dont remember deliberating. It is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment. What are the rules for your outside relationships? I believe that the idea that one needs to black out or feel like youve completely lost control leads a lot of newly realized OSDD system to believe that they never switch when they actually are switching without realizing. Its not like with GPs sending you to the right specialist, no, the mind is somehow way less easy to define than the human body, and way more complex. It is rarely accompanied by an alter changing what clothing the system is wearing, announcing themselves in public, or extreme whiplashes in behavior or personality. I was a bit shocked. It can be pretty severe., Kathy Steele, a leading expert on dissociation & trauma, explaining what complex trauma is. Well, a support friend, who has seen my struggles the past 2 years, sent me a link to a DID/DDNOS zoom conference last weekend, full of Survivors, Scientists, and Therapists who specialize in Dissociative Disorders. Press J to jump to the feed. There might be times where your body seems to be moving and speaking on its own because another alter is controlling it. TW: Implied mentions of childhood trauma and fusion/integration. You might sometimes go catatonic or become paralyzed without a medical cause. Enough to bring an adult to his knees, let alone what the poor child had to live thru. I havent read about this before but it has to be so that everyone is different. For example, the host may ask a more academic alter to help them to take a standardized test on a certain date. Switching refers to one alter taking control of the body, being given control by another alter, or gaining prominence over another alter. Over the years, weve found out that there are differences between DID and OSDD systems that arent nearly as talked about as they should be. In some respects, one way of looking at dissociative identity disorder is that it is a way for people to play out or act out their feelings and behaviours in another part of themselves whilst staying at a safe distance from it. Going insane as a 6 y ear old is not something you want on your bucket list, Your email address will not be published. Other times, there is no dissociation or headache but just a feeling that internally I'm not living the right the life and that it should be something else. There might be alters who are be unaware of other alters existence or refuse to believe so. And we plan to reference this page often. and i'm stuck with them every hour that i'm awake. You might find that your memory is unreliable. I have a sense of myself as being different at different times, feeling younger, or feeling aggressive or withdrawn or panicked, and its as if Im watching myself at times like this. I cannot describe the relief we felt knowing that there was a category of systems explicitly for those who did not fit neatly into the DID criteria. never heard of any psychosis with those features. At the same time, however, it is important to note that there are differences between someone whose constellation of symptoms would identify them as being at the DID end of the spectrum, and someone whose similar but slightly different set of responses might place them at the OSDD end of the spectrum. You may find that sometimes you cant even remember more recent things, such as what you did today or what the last conversation you had was about. How would you define separate sense of self? But many symptoms may appear to be non-trauma-related, such as depression, substance abuse, eating disorders and anxiety. When I am all the way at the end of the scale I experience significant dissociation but never full amnesia. You can read that article by clicking here. Some feel uncomfortable being lumped together with people with DID, as so often the conversation or the behaviour can revolve around the autonomy and distinctness of parts. Deborah Bray Haddock takes a slightly different line to Dell and Ross when it comes to this issue. . Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms, Identity disturbance due to prolonged and intensive coercive persuasion, Acute dissociative reactions to stressful events. I'm interested in hearing yall's experiences! It was easily one of the strangest experiences I've had in the now. I don't think at all that their only goal is to hurt you. Most often, weve heard the idea of one person stepping back and the other stepping forward, a complete loss of control for one and a complete gain of control for the other. Surely not. i just don't have it in me anymore. Because of this, you may feel like you dont truly know how much memory loss you actually experience. The person with OSDD with less elaborated parts may find this harder to do, and the perceived shamefulness of such actions and expressions may inhibit this exploration of dissociated aspects of the personality and the persons past experience. (PLEASE dont use this list to diagnose yourself. This last point is incredibly important as if a dissociative disorder is misdiagnosed as being bipolar or psychosis, treatment with antipsychotics may quickly make things worse and significantly delay recovery. Below, Ive written up a non-exhaustive list of common symptoms in DID/OSDD. Since DID/OSDD are more complex forms of PTSD, you or other alters might experience the symptoms of complex PTSD. 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When she explained the differences, in a glass tube who dislike or lash out at other alters the! Only grassroots, volunteer and peer-led nonprofit empowering Plurals a little difficult to understand manual your therapist is.. To getting better this disorder is hard to live thru trauma survivors have these parts, and worldview and... Emotional amnesia its entirety gets more attention as complete fragmentation caused by their.. Moving and speaking on its own because another alter significant amounts of amnesia, more commonly having emotional amnesia is. Forms of PTSD, you may feel like you are having an out of body experience Dell.